Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Avoid this common mistake while you are "in love"

We are used to making decisions in our lives from the smallest mundane ones to the big ones such as whether to buy a house that will mean a 40 year mortgage.

One of the biggest decisions we will ever make in our lives is who we want to marry, as this will influence our future families, living situations and other relationships.

When we make decisions, we tend to use our knowledge, our wisdom from our experiences, our intuition and advice from others.

It is common knowledge that when couples first start dating, they go through an "in love" stage, which is supposed to progress to "real love" (after the sparks fizzle out). Research has shown that the maximum period that a couple will remain "in love" is up to 3 years. My own experience is that the sparks only last 1 year.

But when you're in love, you're often "blindly in love". Are we able to make good decisions then?

When we are "in love", we lose our reasoning faculties and are able to accept things that we normally would not accept. We see only perfection in our object of desire and "blindly" ignore or accept all their faults, without truly realizing its possible impact on us.

My previous experience has taught me never to make a major decision about the relationship while you "in love." The right person will stay around and you will learn how to love the person properly when your mind is finally back with you.

When you finally see the person as imperfect (and even annoying at times), that's when your love will be tested. Loving a truly imperfect person requires humility, faith, sacrifice, maturity and is "real love". (I mentioned in my earlier blog that real love is made up of passion, intimacy and commitment).

So date; wait and then; when you've fallen back out of "in love", start building "real love".

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