I heard a radio programme, Focus on the Family, where they were discussing the needs of men and women in relationships. I always find such information fascinating because let's admit it, who doesn't want to be a better wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/person? So I thought I'd share it with you and add in my own personal experiences.
Top 3 Needs of a Man from his Woman:
1. Need to be the hero in his woman's life.
Every boy's dream is to be the knight in shining armour, the superman who saves the day, the hero who wins the heart of his beautiful princess. In daily life, men often feel discouraged, unsure or belittled by life's pressures, expectations and people's negative feedback. Because the woman is the most important person in a man's life, the woman plays the most important part in helping him regain his sense of who he is. Women often underestimate their power in their man's life. So if you want your man to be the hero in your life, treat and speak to him like he already is. Respect him because he needs your respect to be the man that you want him to be.
2. Need to have his woman be his greatest team mate (ie. supporter, cheerleader etc).
Every man has his own God-given battle to fight. Whether it be creating the world's finest artistic masterpiece or being the best man he can be as a husband and father. Men often look firstly (and naturally) to their women as their team mate and they desire their woman's support and trust in them to win their individual God-given battle.
3. Need to be desired by his woman and have sexual fulfillment.
Need I say more? Well, actually maybe I should. For women, they create emotional intimacy with their men through intimate sharing and talking. For men, who are generally not talkers, sex is a way of creating emotional intimacy with their woman. (However, where a man does not truly love a woman, sex can be just a vehicle of fulfilling his sexual needs and his heart can be totally isolated from the physical act. So how do you know if he truly loves you? If he's committed to you in marriage, you can be sure that he loves you and is in for the long term. In my opinion, sex is such a powerfully emotionally bonding act that it's meant for an equally powerful commitment in marriage).
Top 2 Needs of a Woman from her Man:
1. Need to feel pursued/cherished/special/desired by her man.
Just like every man's dream is to be a superhero, every woman's dream is to be the beautiful princess. And the top person she wants to get this from is her man. Every woman wants to feel pursued and desired by her man because it indicates that she is worth a lot for him to put all that effort in. Although a woman knows she may not be the most beautiful woman in the world, it's enough if she is the most beautiful woman to her man because then, she is special to an important person in her life.
2. Need to feel protected.
Women in developed countries nowadays have nearly equal opportunities to men to education, work and training. Because of this, women now are as intelligent, capable and independent as their male peers. And they want to be respected as such. However, when it comes to a relationship, women still want to feel protected by their men. Protection can come in the form of physical protection, financial provision, emotional support and spiritual leadership.
My own personal thoughts (through others and my own experience):
Additional Need of a Man from his Woman:
Need to have his Woman happy while she is with him.
I am surprised that it's taken me so long to get this. Men are simple creatures when compared to women (really). Happy woman = happy man. So if she is unhappy in the relationship, he is unhappy too because he somehow feels like he is incapable of making her happy. So women, learn to be happy in your relationship with your man. He needs to know that he brings you happiness in the relationship.
Additional Need of a Woman from her Man:
Need to be continually regarded as beautiful, attractive, adored by her Man and for him to remain faithful.
We all know that we tend to take things for granted after a while. A beautiful view of the mountains will seem common after you have looked at the same view for the 99th time. It's understandable that over time, a man may find his woman not as captivating like when he first saw her. And if she catches him staring at other women (even if he doesn't intend to leave her), she starts feeling even less attractive and insecure. If a woman perceives that her man somehow no longer finds her as attractive, she may start losing faith in his love and believe that there is not much point trying to make herself attractive to her man anymore. She may start focussing on the kids or on other things and less on herself and him. And she does indeed becomes less attractive in reality. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So men, adore her and tell her how beautiful she is and she is more likely to believe it, take care of herself and want to make you happy.
Let me know what you all think.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
When you are feeling confused and anxious...
Prayer does wonders.
The Bible says that when we are worried, we should be grateful for what we do have and ask God for what we need and we will be filled with an extraordinary, settling peace(Philippians 4:6-7).
I tried praying this when I felt really confused and anxious recently about my future life partner.
"My strength does not come from me…but it comes from you O God.
I am weak in the area of trusting you with my future boyfriend and husband. How much he will love me, whether he will stay with me, whether he is deserving of me.
I am afraid that I will be betrayed, I am afraid that he may leave me. I am afraid that I may make the painful mistake of falling in love with the wrong person. And finding out too late that he never was truly in love with me.
How can I walk away from these fears? How can I walk ahead and forward in faith?
Because I know that You will protect me Lord. I know that my life is in your Hands.
I too will love whoever you choose for me. I will stay with him, be deserving of him. I will not betray him, I will not leave him. I will not pretend to be in love with him if I am not.
Because you said that in everything we must do unto others as we want done unto us. (Matt 7:12). In Jesus Name, Amen."
And I felt peace. A settling peace. It enabled me to move on from that place of confusion and anxiety, eventhough nothing in my circumstances changed.
I thank God for prayer.
The Bible says that when we are worried, we should be grateful for what we do have and ask God for what we need and we will be filled with an extraordinary, settling peace(Philippians 4:6-7).
I tried praying this when I felt really confused and anxious recently about my future life partner.
"My strength does not come from me…but it comes from you O God.
I am weak in the area of trusting you with my future boyfriend and husband. How much he will love me, whether he will stay with me, whether he is deserving of me.
I am afraid that I will be betrayed, I am afraid that he may leave me. I am afraid that I may make the painful mistake of falling in love with the wrong person. And finding out too late that he never was truly in love with me.
How can I walk away from these fears? How can I walk ahead and forward in faith?
Because I know that You will protect me Lord. I know that my life is in your Hands.
I too will love whoever you choose for me. I will stay with him, be deserving of him. I will not betray him, I will not leave him. I will not pretend to be in love with him if I am not.
Because you said that in everything we must do unto others as we want done unto us. (Matt 7:12). In Jesus Name, Amen."
And I felt peace. A settling peace. It enabled me to move on from that place of confusion and anxiety, eventhough nothing in my circumstances changed.
I thank God for prayer.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
How to Win the Girl of your Dreams
Are you secretly in love with a gorgeous girl but don't know how to win her heart? Do you feel that she may be out of your league? Have you tried to do something for her but only received rejection?
Well, here's some secret insight for you into a girl's mind (from a girl herself :) I want to share this as I meet some amazing men who are great guys and have great potential as boyfriends but they somehow seem stuck when it comes to getting the girl of their dreams.
So how do you win that girl?
1. Be confident of yourself
Just like guys can automatically sense when a girl is too needy, girls can also automatically sense when a guy is unsure of himself. Confidence is an attractive quality for girls because it indicates that the man knows what he wants (ie. he knows that he really likes the girl), knows where he is going (and therefore, has a great future ahead of him) and is mature emotionally.
2. Get your act together. Get stable.
I have to be honest. If you don't have any financial stability, or career prospects, or drink and flirt around other girls, a girl will not have a sense of security when she's with you. One of the major things that girls want in a guy is security. In the past, most girls went for guys with muscles (an indication of strength and therefore, physical security). This is still partly true. However, many 20th century girls are smarter than that. They know that it's money that will feed the kids so it's important that you can provide sufficiently.
3. Enhance your emotional intelligence. Speak her love language.
If you haven't read the book about the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, you should. Every girl has her own love language. Learning how to speak hers will greatly help her to feel loved by you. Briefly, they are: physical touch, words of encouragement, gifts, acts of service and quality time. Girls are no longer just looking for guys who can bring home the bacon, they are also looking for emotional support.
4. Be her friend.
Guys may not really want a girl to act like their best mate but girls really want their guy to be capable of being their best friend. One of the common distinctions between a guy and a girl is how a girl loves to talk much more than a guy. If you're a guy, learning to listen attentively to her (with appropriate supportive comments) will help her to feel that there is intimacy between the two of you. Thereby, greatly increasing her feelings toward you.
5. Be a gentleman.
It still holds true. If you're a gentleman, the girl will be impressed. Hold open doors, help her carry the heavy (and even the light stuff), do the dirty jobs and she'll really appreciate having you around. These areas are where men can do it so much better than a girl can.
6. Think of the small details.
Remember her birthday (if you tend to forget dates, put it in your PDA or mobile phone calendar!), remember her favourite flowers, remember her favourite foods, remember all the small details and she will know how much she means to you (and is therefore, more likely to love you back).
7. Change or improve yourself.
I once heard a quote, "There are 2 things that will change a man, the love of God and the love of a woman." Find out what kind of guy she is after and if there are areas of yourself where you can improve (but remaining true to yourself without sacrificing your integrity), then please do. If she sees your effort in doing so, she will appreciate it, even if you aren't necessarily successful immediately.
At the end of the day, when all is said and done, we tend to love the people who we feel loved by. That means that if she feels loved by you, she will more likely than not, love you back. Unfortunately, if you love her but she cannot feel your love, then it's time to change what you are doing. Or focus your efforts on another dream girl.
Well, here's some secret insight for you into a girl's mind (from a girl herself :) I want to share this as I meet some amazing men who are great guys and have great potential as boyfriends but they somehow seem stuck when it comes to getting the girl of their dreams.
So how do you win that girl?
1. Be confident of yourself
Just like guys can automatically sense when a girl is too needy, girls can also automatically sense when a guy is unsure of himself. Confidence is an attractive quality for girls because it indicates that the man knows what he wants (ie. he knows that he really likes the girl), knows where he is going (and therefore, has a great future ahead of him) and is mature emotionally.
2. Get your act together. Get stable.
I have to be honest. If you don't have any financial stability, or career prospects, or drink and flirt around other girls, a girl will not have a sense of security when she's with you. One of the major things that girls want in a guy is security. In the past, most girls went for guys with muscles (an indication of strength and therefore, physical security). This is still partly true. However, many 20th century girls are smarter than that. They know that it's money that will feed the kids so it's important that you can provide sufficiently.
3. Enhance your emotional intelligence. Speak her love language.
If you haven't read the book about the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, you should. Every girl has her own love language. Learning how to speak hers will greatly help her to feel loved by you. Briefly, they are: physical touch, words of encouragement, gifts, acts of service and quality time. Girls are no longer just looking for guys who can bring home the bacon, they are also looking for emotional support.
4. Be her friend.
Guys may not really want a girl to act like their best mate but girls really want their guy to be capable of being their best friend. One of the common distinctions between a guy and a girl is how a girl loves to talk much more than a guy. If you're a guy, learning to listen attentively to her (with appropriate supportive comments) will help her to feel that there is intimacy between the two of you. Thereby, greatly increasing her feelings toward you.
5. Be a gentleman.
It still holds true. If you're a gentleman, the girl will be impressed. Hold open doors, help her carry the heavy (and even the light stuff), do the dirty jobs and she'll really appreciate having you around. These areas are where men can do it so much better than a girl can.
6. Think of the small details.
Remember her birthday (if you tend to forget dates, put it in your PDA or mobile phone calendar!), remember her favourite flowers, remember her favourite foods, remember all the small details and she will know how much she means to you (and is therefore, more likely to love you back).
7. Change or improve yourself.
I once heard a quote, "There are 2 things that will change a man, the love of God and the love of a woman." Find out what kind of guy she is after and if there are areas of yourself where you can improve (but remaining true to yourself without sacrificing your integrity), then please do. If she sees your effort in doing so, she will appreciate it, even if you aren't necessarily successful immediately.
At the end of the day, when all is said and done, we tend to love the people who we feel loved by. That means that if she feels loved by you, she will more likely than not, love you back. Unfortunately, if you love her but she cannot feel your love, then it's time to change what you are doing. Or focus your efforts on another dream girl.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Avoid this common mistake while you are "in love"
We are used to making decisions in our lives from the smallest mundane ones to the big ones such as whether to buy a house that will mean a 40 year mortgage.
One of the biggest decisions we will ever make in our lives is who we want to marry, as this will influence our future families, living situations and other relationships.
When we make decisions, we tend to use our knowledge, our wisdom from our experiences, our intuition and advice from others.
It is common knowledge that when couples first start dating, they go through an "in love" stage, which is supposed to progress to "real love" (after the sparks fizzle out). Research has shown that the maximum period that a couple will remain "in love" is up to 3 years. My own experience is that the sparks only last 1 year.
But when you're in love, you're often "blindly in love". Are we able to make good decisions then?
When we are "in love", we lose our reasoning faculties and are able to accept things that we normally would not accept. We see only perfection in our object of desire and "blindly" ignore or accept all their faults, without truly realizing its possible impact on us.
My previous experience has taught me never to make a major decision about the relationship while you "in love." The right person will stay around and you will learn how to love the person properly when your mind is finally back with you.
When you finally see the person as imperfect (and even annoying at times), that's when your love will be tested. Loving a truly imperfect person requires humility, faith, sacrifice, maturity and is "real love". (I mentioned in my earlier blog that real love is made up of passion, intimacy and commitment).
So date; wait and then; when you've fallen back out of "in love", start building "real love".
One of the biggest decisions we will ever make in our lives is who we want to marry, as this will influence our future families, living situations and other relationships.
When we make decisions, we tend to use our knowledge, our wisdom from our experiences, our intuition and advice from others.
It is common knowledge that when couples first start dating, they go through an "in love" stage, which is supposed to progress to "real love" (after the sparks fizzle out). Research has shown that the maximum period that a couple will remain "in love" is up to 3 years. My own experience is that the sparks only last 1 year.
But when you're in love, you're often "blindly in love". Are we able to make good decisions then?
When we are "in love", we lose our reasoning faculties and are able to accept things that we normally would not accept. We see only perfection in our object of desire and "blindly" ignore or accept all their faults, without truly realizing its possible impact on us.
My previous experience has taught me never to make a major decision about the relationship while you "in love." The right person will stay around and you will learn how to love the person properly when your mind is finally back with you.
When you finally see the person as imperfect (and even annoying at times), that's when your love will be tested. Loving a truly imperfect person requires humility, faith, sacrifice, maturity and is "real love". (I mentioned in my earlier blog that real love is made up of passion, intimacy and commitment).
So date; wait and then; when you've fallen back out of "in love", start building "real love".
Monday, April 26, 2010
What is Love Made of and Being the Perfect Person
"It's not about finding the perfect person but being the perfect person..."
Too many of us spend our lives looking for THE perfect person. We sometimes think we have found the perfect person for us and when we get closer, we discover the person's weaknesses (or humanity) and we think that we made a mistake. Unhappy married people think this too.
But in reality, there is no such thing as a perfect person just for you. Yes, there are some people who are more compatible for us but humans are evolving beings...we can change according to our environment, our choices, what we spend time doing etc.
I once heard this from a relationship psychologist. Love is made up of 3 elements;
* Passion
* Intimacy
* Commitment.
When we fall in love, the passion element is fulfilled. When we start sharing our lives with the other person, we start creating intimacy. But the final essence of love; commitment, is normally where failed couples are unable to overcome.
Commitment.
To be able to commit to someone for the rest of your life, you have to reach a stage of self-awareness and maturity that enables you to be able to stay faithful and connected to the other person...through hell (as it may be), not just when it feels like heaven.
The good news is that staying committed to someone can be made so much easier if we have developed relationship-building skills. And even more encouraging is that these skills can be learnt. Skills such as communication, negotiation, compromise and sacrifice.
Listen to the words of a wise person "Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, beautiful old people are works of art."
Two old people in a loving, beautiful, caring relationship is truly a work of art. A beautiful work of art such as the Statue of David by Michelangelo cannot be created in a short amount of time, it requires many hours of chipping away at sharp edges, polishing dull surfaces and careful attention of work.
Too many of us are rushing into and out of relationships, trying to find the perfect person. If you have someone's love and hallelujah, you actually love the person back...appreciate your blessing. It's true what they say, "good things take time".
Too many of us spend our lives looking for THE perfect person. We sometimes think we have found the perfect person for us and when we get closer, we discover the person's weaknesses (or humanity) and we think that we made a mistake. Unhappy married people think this too.
But in reality, there is no such thing as a perfect person just for you. Yes, there are some people who are more compatible for us but humans are evolving beings...we can change according to our environment, our choices, what we spend time doing etc.
I once heard this from a relationship psychologist. Love is made up of 3 elements;
* Passion
* Intimacy
* Commitment.
When we fall in love, the passion element is fulfilled. When we start sharing our lives with the other person, we start creating intimacy. But the final essence of love; commitment, is normally where failed couples are unable to overcome.
Commitment.
To be able to commit to someone for the rest of your life, you have to reach a stage of self-awareness and maturity that enables you to be able to stay faithful and connected to the other person...through hell (as it may be), not just when it feels like heaven.
The good news is that staying committed to someone can be made so much easier if we have developed relationship-building skills. And even more encouraging is that these skills can be learnt. Skills such as communication, negotiation, compromise and sacrifice.
Listen to the words of a wise person "Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, beautiful old people are works of art."
Two old people in a loving, beautiful, caring relationship is truly a work of art. A beautiful work of art such as the Statue of David by Michelangelo cannot be created in a short amount of time, it requires many hours of chipping away at sharp edges, polishing dull surfaces and careful attention of work.
Too many of us are rushing into and out of relationships, trying to find the perfect person. If you have someone's love and hallelujah, you actually love the person back...appreciate your blessing. It's true what they say, "good things take time".
Friday, April 16, 2010
How to Recognize A Relationship Idol Part 1
What comes to your mind when someone mentions an idol? Common answers will probably be religious statues or more probably American Idol.
But have you ever heard of a Relationship Idol?
It may be a new term but I can guarantee that you have done it before, if not once, then many times like I have.
A Relationship Idol is someone you "worship" in a relationship. It could be a friend, a teacher, a boss, an estranged father, your dream guy or dream girl.
Worship is not limited to singing songs, bowing or prostrating with our physical bodies but our hearts also can be worshipping.
You know that you've got a Relationship Idol when a person becomes more important to you than anything else. Without him or her, you feel that you can't be happy; you can't enjoy life; you lose hope of finding someone else; you don't feel secure; there's no purpose for life...everything depends on that person.
I was only a schoolgirl when I had my first Relationship Idol. To me, he was THE GUY. He was serious, quiet, into books (this indicated intelligence to me) and simply...nice. I often saw him sitting by himself in a corner reading and my heart just went "awwwwww...." It didn't matter that I knew almost NOTHING about him and that he hardly ever spoke a word to me. In my mind, I made up my own fantasies about him and for me, he was perfect. But really, he was a Relationship Idol. (Later when I got to know him better, I found out he wasn't that nice, he was not overly intelligent and he only read because he was new at school and didn't have friends yet).
Now, I am sure this is a common school story. But does it change much when we grow up? If we're single and looking for THE SPECIAL PERSON, we're looking for more refined things now such as thoughtfulness, sharing, trustworthiness, loyalty, sense of humour, wisdom and of course for some of you, beauty or good looks.
If we're married, our spouses may still be our Relationship Idols or it could be a mother that has never loved us, a father who never compliments us or a boss that we can never please enough.
Let me be honest with you now...ALL OF US HAVE IDOLS. If you don't think you have one, you may be your own idol (ie. you are a little narcissistic). Just look a little harder, you will find one.
And that's because our hearts DESIRE to have SOMEONE TO WORSHIP. It sprays colour into our lives, fills up emptiness...gives us a reason to live.
The problem with a Relationship Idol is that the person we idolize is not perfect. The person can not only be a source of joy, he or she can also be a severe source of pain.
I have had so many Relationship Idols myself and also, counselled many friends about recognizing their Relationship Idols that I can vouch for this.
So what's the solution? Are we doomed if our hearts will always desire to worship someone?
That depends on who you choose as your Relationship Idol. If you choose someone imperfect, you're bound to experience pain. But who can ever be perfect?
For me, I chose God. Simply because I knew no one else who would never lie to me, sell me short, disappoint me, hurt me.
Simple solution but not so simple to follow.
First of all, do you believe that God exists?
Secondly, do you believe that God is perfect? (that is, He is all-caring, all-forgiving, all-knowing, all-loving).
I read this many years before, "God is love." 1 John 4:16.
This does not mean that love in itself is god, but that God is made up of love.
And if you do believe all these things, is there a Relationship Idol in the place of God in your heart? In other words, is there someone in your life that you can't live without and you'd give everything up just to find happiness with this person, even if it means putting God in second place in your life?
If you want to hear a story about one of my own recent "infatuation" Relationship Idols, check out "How to Recognize a Relationship Idol Part 2."
But have you ever heard of a Relationship Idol?
It may be a new term but I can guarantee that you have done it before, if not once, then many times like I have.
A Relationship Idol is someone you "worship" in a relationship. It could be a friend, a teacher, a boss, an estranged father, your dream guy or dream girl.
Worship is not limited to singing songs, bowing or prostrating with our physical bodies but our hearts also can be worshipping.
You know that you've got a Relationship Idol when a person becomes more important to you than anything else. Without him or her, you feel that you can't be happy; you can't enjoy life; you lose hope of finding someone else; you don't feel secure; there's no purpose for life...everything depends on that person.
I was only a schoolgirl when I had my first Relationship Idol. To me, he was THE GUY. He was serious, quiet, into books (this indicated intelligence to me) and simply...nice. I often saw him sitting by himself in a corner reading and my heart just went "awwwwww...." It didn't matter that I knew almost NOTHING about him and that he hardly ever spoke a word to me. In my mind, I made up my own fantasies about him and for me, he was perfect. But really, he was a Relationship Idol. (Later when I got to know him better, I found out he wasn't that nice, he was not overly intelligent and he only read because he was new at school and didn't have friends yet).
Now, I am sure this is a common school story. But does it change much when we grow up? If we're single and looking for THE SPECIAL PERSON, we're looking for more refined things now such as thoughtfulness, sharing, trustworthiness, loyalty, sense of humour, wisdom and of course for some of you, beauty or good looks.
If we're married, our spouses may still be our Relationship Idols or it could be a mother that has never loved us, a father who never compliments us or a boss that we can never please enough.
Let me be honest with you now...ALL OF US HAVE IDOLS. If you don't think you have one, you may be your own idol (ie. you are a little narcissistic). Just look a little harder, you will find one.
And that's because our hearts DESIRE to have SOMEONE TO WORSHIP. It sprays colour into our lives, fills up emptiness...gives us a reason to live.
The problem with a Relationship Idol is that the person we idolize is not perfect. The person can not only be a source of joy, he or she can also be a severe source of pain.
I have had so many Relationship Idols myself and also, counselled many friends about recognizing their Relationship Idols that I can vouch for this.
So what's the solution? Are we doomed if our hearts will always desire to worship someone?
That depends on who you choose as your Relationship Idol. If you choose someone imperfect, you're bound to experience pain. But who can ever be perfect?
For me, I chose God. Simply because I knew no one else who would never lie to me, sell me short, disappoint me, hurt me.
Simple solution but not so simple to follow.
First of all, do you believe that God exists?
Secondly, do you believe that God is perfect? (that is, He is all-caring, all-forgiving, all-knowing, all-loving).
I read this many years before, "God is love." 1 John 4:16.
This does not mean that love in itself is god, but that God is made up of love.
And if you do believe all these things, is there a Relationship Idol in the place of God in your heart? In other words, is there someone in your life that you can't live without and you'd give everything up just to find happiness with this person, even if it means putting God in second place in your life?
If you want to hear a story about one of my own recent "infatuation" Relationship Idols, check out "How to Recognize a Relationship Idol Part 2."
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Quote for Today
"If you live like everything depended on you, you will burn out. If you live like everything depended on God, you will end up doing nothing." Quote.
God could have saved the world without us, but He chose to do it WITH us. We are His hands, His feet, His body. God would rather do it with us, then on His own. It's our job to find the right balance in dependence on God and acting in faith.
God could have saved the world without us, but He chose to do it WITH us. We are His hands, His feet, His body. God would rather do it with us, then on His own. It's our job to find the right balance in dependence on God and acting in faith.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Making a Way For Me
Does God answer prayers? Certainly.
I have just witnessed God answering many seemingly simple but sincere prayers of many people over the past 2 weeks.
One of the prayers answered has been mine.
I have been wanting to start a business for quite a few years now. Although I am a University graduate, I took no business papers and have no business management work experience. One of the biggest obstacles to me starting up the business was a sheer lack of practical business skills.
On top of that, I have been struggling with a major dose of doubt...Is there a market for what I want to do? Is anyone going to want to pay? Yada, yada. As soon as I overcame one doubt, another equally strong one would appear.
So I did nothing. There seemed to be no way for me to proceed.
Until February 2010. Now. I guess I had a good look at myself over the Christmas holidays and decided that I had stalled enough. It was "Do it!" and even if I had to fail, at the very least I would have learnt from the experience.
When I made that decision in my heart to press on with the business idea, miraculously, God started opening doors...one door, and another door, and yet another door...until I had so many open doors that I had to be careful what to say "Yes" to and "No" to. It was as if God was making a way for me where there had been none before for me to walk on.
I'm still tingling from seeing God's Hand at work in this. I am praying that He will continue to guide and provide.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8.
I have just witnessed God answering many seemingly simple but sincere prayers of many people over the past 2 weeks.
One of the prayers answered has been mine.
I have been wanting to start a business for quite a few years now. Although I am a University graduate, I took no business papers and have no business management work experience. One of the biggest obstacles to me starting up the business was a sheer lack of practical business skills.
On top of that, I have been struggling with a major dose of doubt...Is there a market for what I want to do? Is anyone going to want to pay? Yada, yada. As soon as I overcame one doubt, another equally strong one would appear.
So I did nothing. There seemed to be no way for me to proceed.
Until February 2010. Now. I guess I had a good look at myself over the Christmas holidays and decided that I had stalled enough. It was "Do it!" and even if I had to fail, at the very least I would have learnt from the experience.
When I made that decision in my heart to press on with the business idea, miraculously, God started opening doors...one door, and another door, and yet another door...until I had so many open doors that I had to be careful what to say "Yes" to and "No" to. It was as if God was making a way for me where there had been none before for me to walk on.
I'm still tingling from seeing God's Hand at work in this. I am praying that He will continue to guide and provide.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
God: "Are you not still my darling child?"
I have loved God for nearly 11 years now. And during that time, in love with Him too. What do I mean by that?
Well, I've only had 1 serious relationship. And after that, I have been doing life as a fully alive, happy single with lots of friends. Of course, occasionally I would experience the pangs of wanting a boyfriend but it never lasted very long as my life was so full of God and people.
That is until I hit 26 years old. When I was in college, I had dreamed that I would be married at 27. But at 26 years, I was still nowhere near a serious relationship, let alone, a marriage. I suddenly realised that I had to get serious about meeting the right guys if I wanted to be married.
Don't get me wrong, I was always meeting plenty of nice, eligible guys. But since my focus was on serving God and helping others, I seldom spent my time getting to know them. And so, my friendships with them were on a "Hi!" and "Bye!" shallow basis.
At 26, it suddenly occurred to me that I could be single for the rest of my life...Was that what I wanted? I told myself, NO. If God called me to be single, then fine. But if I had a choice, NO.
This was when my struggles started. My struggles against God, against myself, against others.
I sincerely believed God loved me. And I loved Him. But why was it that other girls were having these amazing guys falling at their feet whilst there were none at mine?
Was I worthy of being in a relationship? Would I make a good girlfriend/wife or would it result in misery?
I decided firmly that I had to find some balance in my life. Time with serving God and friends but also time for searching for my guy.
As a result of my decision, I changed myself. A lot.
I dressed and behaved differently.
I gave up my career (which I felt was making me into someone difficult to live with).
I hung out with different people. And this last decision cost me a lot. It cost me many friends and earned me many tears.
The other side of the coin was, I did start getting to know nice, eligible guys. I enjoyed the new friendships. I loved the attention I got as I never had before.
This went on for about 3 years. And during this time, I lost myself.
I forgot my first love for God.
I forgot how beautiful God told me I was.
I simply forgot who God made me to be and who I already was.
Often, the laughter and fun that I had with my new friends hid the inner confusion and lost I felt.
But when you've been in love with God, you never forget it.
And you never can let it go.
And God knew. God sent a few special people to remind me of the girl I once had been. These people showed me true beauty, encouraged me, affirmed me, comforted me, excited me, gave me hope.
Once, I cried as I talked to a girl who was totally in love with God. I cried because I wanted to be like her again. I wanted to be in love with God again.
But I felt that God expected me to change myself back to a happy girl with lots of friends who didn't mind being single. I missed my intimate relationship with God but I knew that I did mind.
But God loves us more than we will ever know.
A man in love with God once wrote
"May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love.
And may you have the power to understand,
as all God's people should,
how wide,
how long,
how high, and
how deep his love really is."
Ephesians 4:17-18.
Today, I told God that I wanted to come back to Him. I wanted Him first in my life again. God sent me another loving reminder. I was praying when God gave me the thought to read the words of Jeremiah 31. I knew God was speaking to me.
And as if God wanted to make sure that I understood, he reminded me in verse 20 "Is not Israel still my son, my darling child?" This question brought tears to my eyes. I had always seen myself as God's baby, his special little girl.
And this took my breath away. God said "I long for you..."
GOD LONGED FOR ME??? How could that be? Was it possible? That the God of the World and Heaven would long for me?
And my heart said Yes. God longs for us.
Well, I've only had 1 serious relationship. And after that, I have been doing life as a fully alive, happy single with lots of friends. Of course, occasionally I would experience the pangs of wanting a boyfriend but it never lasted very long as my life was so full of God and people.
That is until I hit 26 years old. When I was in college, I had dreamed that I would be married at 27. But at 26 years, I was still nowhere near a serious relationship, let alone, a marriage. I suddenly realised that I had to get serious about meeting the right guys if I wanted to be married.
Don't get me wrong, I was always meeting plenty of nice, eligible guys. But since my focus was on serving God and helping others, I seldom spent my time getting to know them. And so, my friendships with them were on a "Hi!" and "Bye!" shallow basis.
At 26, it suddenly occurred to me that I could be single for the rest of my life...Was that what I wanted? I told myself, NO. If God called me to be single, then fine. But if I had a choice, NO.
This was when my struggles started. My struggles against God, against myself, against others.
I sincerely believed God loved me. And I loved Him. But why was it that other girls were having these amazing guys falling at their feet whilst there were none at mine?
Was I worthy of being in a relationship? Would I make a good girlfriend/wife or would it result in misery?
I decided firmly that I had to find some balance in my life. Time with serving God and friends but also time for searching for my guy.
As a result of my decision, I changed myself. A lot.
I dressed and behaved differently.
I gave up my career (which I felt was making me into someone difficult to live with).
I hung out with different people. And this last decision cost me a lot. It cost me many friends and earned me many tears.
The other side of the coin was, I did start getting to know nice, eligible guys. I enjoyed the new friendships. I loved the attention I got as I never had before.
This went on for about 3 years. And during this time, I lost myself.
I forgot my first love for God.
I forgot how beautiful God told me I was.
I simply forgot who God made me to be and who I already was.
Often, the laughter and fun that I had with my new friends hid the inner confusion and lost I felt.
But when you've been in love with God, you never forget it.
And you never can let it go.
And God knew. God sent a few special people to remind me of the girl I once had been. These people showed me true beauty, encouraged me, affirmed me, comforted me, excited me, gave me hope.
Once, I cried as I talked to a girl who was totally in love with God. I cried because I wanted to be like her again. I wanted to be in love with God again.
But I felt that God expected me to change myself back to a happy girl with lots of friends who didn't mind being single. I missed my intimate relationship with God but I knew that I did mind.
But God loves us more than we will ever know.
A man in love with God once wrote
"May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love.
And may you have the power to understand,
as all God's people should,
how wide,
how long,
how high, and
how deep his love really is."
Ephesians 4:17-18.
Today, I told God that I wanted to come back to Him. I wanted Him first in my life again. God sent me another loving reminder. I was praying when God gave me the thought to read the words of Jeremiah 31. I knew God was speaking to me.
And as if God wanted to make sure that I understood, he reminded me in verse 20 "Is not Israel still my son, my darling child?" This question brought tears to my eyes. I had always seen myself as God's baby, his special little girl.
And this took my breath away. God said "I long for you..."
GOD LONGED FOR ME??? How could that be? Was it possible? That the God of the World and Heaven would long for me?
And my heart said Yes. God longs for us.
Monday, January 25, 2010
The Truth Will Set You Free
I felt like I'd just woken up from a deep sleep...that I'd been in slumber from the hard truth...
1 to 2 years ago, I allowed myself to believe that a person I knew would sweep me off my feet, declare his undying love for me and would be my knight in shining armour and save me from the drudgery of life...
Friends told me otherwise but I refused to accept what they thought.
I refused to see the truth because I was afraid of the pain and loneliness I would feel if what they said was true...So I allowed myself to live in a delusion.
But God is too kind and loving to leave us in our delusions. Many times He tried to show me that this guy was not right for me but I refused to recognize God's voice and guidance.
But God never gave up on me. He continued to use close friends to tell me that this guy did not love me. God was indeed extremely faithful and kind to me...He protected and strengthened my heart and faith before I finally found out (the hard way) that this person did not love me.
I started to see the truth and I made a choice to believe it, instead of hiding from the pain. The pain didn't last forever...and I am free! The only thing I pray for is that I will never again wallow in such delusion, will heal wholly and can help others avoid the same pitfall I fell into.
1 to 2 years ago, I allowed myself to believe that a person I knew would sweep me off my feet, declare his undying love for me and would be my knight in shining armour and save me from the drudgery of life...
Friends told me otherwise but I refused to accept what they thought.
I refused to see the truth because I was afraid of the pain and loneliness I would feel if what they said was true...So I allowed myself to live in a delusion.
But God is too kind and loving to leave us in our delusions. Many times He tried to show me that this guy was not right for me but I refused to recognize God's voice and guidance.
But God never gave up on me. He continued to use close friends to tell me that this guy did not love me. God was indeed extremely faithful and kind to me...He protected and strengthened my heart and faith before I finally found out (the hard way) that this person did not love me.
I started to see the truth and I made a choice to believe it, instead of hiding from the pain. The pain didn't last forever...and I am free! The only thing I pray for is that I will never again wallow in such delusion, will heal wholly and can help others avoid the same pitfall I fell into.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Why Not to Judge the Annoying Men on The Street
If you read the title of this blog, part of it says, "..the Annoying Men on the Street". And I mean literally annoying.
I don't know if you've ever met this breed of Annoying Men. You are driving and you stop at a red traffic light. As you patiently wait for the lights to turn green, suddenly, from out of nowhere, a man normally slightly dishevelled and scary looking, pops up next to your car, and with a flourish of his hand, throws some slightly soapy looking water on your car's front window shield.
Before you can say "Noo!" he is already midway cleaning your window with the wind shield cleaning tool in his other hand (and even if you say No he will ignore you). With a few deft strokes, he is finished and then stands next to your car window, waiting expectantly for some money.
All this happens in less than 5 seconds.
Not only have you received a slight scare but now you struggle with feelings of guilt of whether to hand over some spare change for his service (that you never wanted and never asked for) or end up feeling like Mr Scrooge. I hate these people. I truly do.
That is until this morning.
I was waiting for a friend in the car and she was running late. Straight ahead, I noticed an Annoying Man at a busy traffic light intersection. He was equipped with the usual tools, a small clear bottle of soapy water and a window cleaning tool in his other hand. As usual, he looked slightly dishevelled and scary looking. I continued to stare from the side of the street.
When the first car arrived at the intersection and stopped for the lights, he was out there, cleaning the car's window shield. He finished and he stopped for a moment at the car driver's window and luckily for him, received some payment. The lights turned green and he quickly returned to the curb, out of harm's way. I felt the familiar churn in my stomach.
The lights turned red again and more cars stopped at the intersection. As on schedule, Annoying Man dashed out to the cars and cleaned more window shields. But this time, the drivers stood their ground and refused to give him anything. I felt slightly relieved that I was not the only Mr Scrooge in the world.
This happened another time when the lights turned red again. I was about to turn my attention away when out of the corner of my eye, as Annoying Man returned to the curb, I noticed him rubbing his right cleaning upper arm several times hard, like it hurt.
For the first time, it suddenly struck me that Annoying Man was tired, probably hated this "job" but he was doing it because he really needed the money.
And suddenly, I saw other things...how some cars hooted at him to get out of their way when the lights turned green, how he often didn't receive any payment. How he endangered his life (and to be honest, the life of others) by standing out on the street in traffic. How some drivers heartlessly drove away after he had put in some extra work cleaning bird poo on their window shields.
Life was tough for Annoying Man. True, I am pretty sure he does not pay any taxes from this "job" but at least he was working, wasn't he? And drivers with thoroughly dirty window shields were benefitting from this.
After a while, someone from a car offered Annoying Man a cigarette in return for his service and he took a break off to smoke it.
Watching Annoying Man at work taught me a few things...you never really know how tough it is for someone until you walk in their shoes. And we never can assume why people do the things they do until they share that with us.
I won't struggle so much about being Mr Scrooge now. I think I'll just hand over some money.
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen...to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?" Isaiah 58:6-7.
I don't know if you've ever met this breed of Annoying Men. You are driving and you stop at a red traffic light. As you patiently wait for the lights to turn green, suddenly, from out of nowhere, a man normally slightly dishevelled and scary looking, pops up next to your car, and with a flourish of his hand, throws some slightly soapy looking water on your car's front window shield.
Before you can say "Noo!" he is already midway cleaning your window with the wind shield cleaning tool in his other hand (and even if you say No he will ignore you). With a few deft strokes, he is finished and then stands next to your car window, waiting expectantly for some money.
All this happens in less than 5 seconds.
Not only have you received a slight scare but now you struggle with feelings of guilt of whether to hand over some spare change for his service (that you never wanted and never asked for) or end up feeling like Mr Scrooge. I hate these people. I truly do.
That is until this morning.
I was waiting for a friend in the car and she was running late. Straight ahead, I noticed an Annoying Man at a busy traffic light intersection. He was equipped with the usual tools, a small clear bottle of soapy water and a window cleaning tool in his other hand. As usual, he looked slightly dishevelled and scary looking. I continued to stare from the side of the street.
When the first car arrived at the intersection and stopped for the lights, he was out there, cleaning the car's window shield. He finished and he stopped for a moment at the car driver's window and luckily for him, received some payment. The lights turned green and he quickly returned to the curb, out of harm's way. I felt the familiar churn in my stomach.
The lights turned red again and more cars stopped at the intersection. As on schedule, Annoying Man dashed out to the cars and cleaned more window shields. But this time, the drivers stood their ground and refused to give him anything. I felt slightly relieved that I was not the only Mr Scrooge in the world.
This happened another time when the lights turned red again. I was about to turn my attention away when out of the corner of my eye, as Annoying Man returned to the curb, I noticed him rubbing his right cleaning upper arm several times hard, like it hurt.
For the first time, it suddenly struck me that Annoying Man was tired, probably hated this "job" but he was doing it because he really needed the money.
And suddenly, I saw other things...how some cars hooted at him to get out of their way when the lights turned green, how he often didn't receive any payment. How he endangered his life (and to be honest, the life of others) by standing out on the street in traffic. How some drivers heartlessly drove away after he had put in some extra work cleaning bird poo on their window shields.
Life was tough for Annoying Man. True, I am pretty sure he does not pay any taxes from this "job" but at least he was working, wasn't he? And drivers with thoroughly dirty window shields were benefitting from this.
After a while, someone from a car offered Annoying Man a cigarette in return for his service and he took a break off to smoke it.
Watching Annoying Man at work taught me a few things...you never really know how tough it is for someone until you walk in their shoes. And we never can assume why people do the things they do until they share that with us.
I won't struggle so much about being Mr Scrooge now. I think I'll just hand over some money.
"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen...to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?" Isaiah 58:6-7.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Friendship Forever...
One of the greatest treasures in my life are my friendships.
Occasionally I meet with a kindred spirit and we immediately form a close bond of friendship. But most of my friendships go back a long way.
Friendships are living relationships. They don't remain static or the same all the time.
What's amazing about great friendships are that you know you can depend on them and that they will always be there for you when you truly need them, despite the passing of time and the changes of circumstance.
I have found that with some of my long time friendships, although we have moved into different worlds (I'm living in a different country and only get to see them once a year at the most)...when we hang out, it's like we can pick up the friendship from where we last left off.
I have made these observations about lasting friendships that transcend time and place:
1. Enjoying each other's presence
Be it sharing our deep, intimate joys and fears with each other or just having a crazy time of fun, one of the main reasons that my friendships have remained strong is because we truly do enjoy each other. With some friends, when we get together, we laugh so loud that we occasionally get stares from others. With other friends, they are my "sounding-board" and when I'm with them, I always get new revelations and comfort for my soul.
2. Having fair and reasonable expectations of the friendship
Be fair to your friends. Unreasonable expectations hurt friendships. If a bridge is only able to bear the weight of a 10 tonne truck, don't put a 20 tonne truck on it. Likewise, if a friendship has not matured to the extent that you can ask for huge sacrifices without creating resentment, don't make such demands. However, I also believe that a friendship can be stuck at a superficial level for far too long if either party is too embarrassed (or proud) to ask for help. It's great to ask for help (even if you're not sure if your friend will say yes) but don't be offended if the person says No. Knowing that you can depend on your friend is a sure sign that trust has been built in the friendship.
3. Being flexible when changes occur in the friendship over time and circumstance
As mentioned before,a friendship is a living relationship. It will have to adapt and change over time and circumstance in order to survive. Be prepared and open to change, even if it means having to let the person go if their commitments in life change. If friends deal with change well, this will only serve to strengthen the friendship.
4. Forgiving easily and fully
Friends, like the rest of the human species, are fallible. Unforgiveness is a poison that you drink to your own detriment. When we feel wronged by someone, we sometimes forget that we have often wronged others (consciously or unsconsciously). I read a wonderful quote once from a 5 year old boy and this has changed my perspective on love. We seem to always be afraid that the person we love will find out something bad about us and leave us. Love is when they inevitably do, not only do they forgive you, but they love you more.
5. Being there for each other
Strong friendships have strong significant moments in them. For example, when your cat died and your friend stayed with you while you cried through your box of Kleenex. When your boyfriend cheated on you and your friend supported you through your healing. It's amazing how one incident alone of kindness and support can create a lifelong bond of friendship.
The Bible has a teaching on how to love others and I think it is really excellent~
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth (friends tell you the truth). It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Occasionally I meet with a kindred spirit and we immediately form a close bond of friendship. But most of my friendships go back a long way.
Friendships are living relationships. They don't remain static or the same all the time.
What's amazing about great friendships are that you know you can depend on them and that they will always be there for you when you truly need them, despite the passing of time and the changes of circumstance.
I have found that with some of my long time friendships, although we have moved into different worlds (I'm living in a different country and only get to see them once a year at the most)...when we hang out, it's like we can pick up the friendship from where we last left off.
I have made these observations about lasting friendships that transcend time and place:
1. Enjoying each other's presence
Be it sharing our deep, intimate joys and fears with each other or just having a crazy time of fun, one of the main reasons that my friendships have remained strong is because we truly do enjoy each other. With some friends, when we get together, we laugh so loud that we occasionally get stares from others. With other friends, they are my "sounding-board" and when I'm with them, I always get new revelations and comfort for my soul.
2. Having fair and reasonable expectations of the friendship
Be fair to your friends. Unreasonable expectations hurt friendships. If a bridge is only able to bear the weight of a 10 tonne truck, don't put a 20 tonne truck on it. Likewise, if a friendship has not matured to the extent that you can ask for huge sacrifices without creating resentment, don't make such demands. However, I also believe that a friendship can be stuck at a superficial level for far too long if either party is too embarrassed (or proud) to ask for help. It's great to ask for help (even if you're not sure if your friend will say yes) but don't be offended if the person says No. Knowing that you can depend on your friend is a sure sign that trust has been built in the friendship.
3. Being flexible when changes occur in the friendship over time and circumstance
As mentioned before,a friendship is a living relationship. It will have to adapt and change over time and circumstance in order to survive. Be prepared and open to change, even if it means having to let the person go if their commitments in life change. If friends deal with change well, this will only serve to strengthen the friendship.
4. Forgiving easily and fully
Friends, like the rest of the human species, are fallible. Unforgiveness is a poison that you drink to your own detriment. When we feel wronged by someone, we sometimes forget that we have often wronged others (consciously or unsconsciously). I read a wonderful quote once from a 5 year old boy and this has changed my perspective on love. We seem to always be afraid that the person we love will find out something bad about us and leave us. Love is when they inevitably do, not only do they forgive you, but they love you more.
5. Being there for each other
Strong friendships have strong significant moments in them. For example, when your cat died and your friend stayed with you while you cried through your box of Kleenex. When your boyfriend cheated on you and your friend supported you through your healing. It's amazing how one incident alone of kindness and support can create a lifelong bond of friendship.
The Bible has a teaching on how to love others and I think it is really excellent~
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth (friends tell you the truth). It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Monday, January 11, 2010
My first heart2heart
Why am I sharing heart2heart?
Because a close, much loved, kindred friend encouraged me to.
She feels that I have much to share, not only from my own journey, but also from the journeys of others that I have come to be touched by.
And this is true, I have been blessed to have shared and listened to the journeys of some amazing people.
Ordinary everyday people, but yet, so extraordinary.
My writings will mainly be real life stories (including spiritual issues) but also about lessons learnt. Splashed with lots of hope, faith and love :)
I am open to constructive, kind feedback. Feel free to post me any questions or comments.
Because a close, much loved, kindred friend encouraged me to.
She feels that I have much to share, not only from my own journey, but also from the journeys of others that I have come to be touched by.
And this is true, I have been blessed to have shared and listened to the journeys of some amazing people.
Ordinary everyday people, but yet, so extraordinary.
My writings will mainly be real life stories (including spiritual issues) but also about lessons learnt. Splashed with lots of hope, faith and love :)
I am open to constructive, kind feedback. Feel free to post me any questions or comments.
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